Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wednesday 3/03

(Tim Lin) - 01:39
I forgot to say this earlier. I was in my second daytime tent check yesterday (Tuesday) at around 14:45. Although I vaguely remember Zach White saying that grace ended at 16:30, I was confused. Because that is 45 minutes after an hour after the tent check. So I got back to the tent at 15:45 anyways to be safe. Yeah.

On a completely unrelated note, I just came back from bowling with some cool people from the backyard B-Stud (Brandon was not there. I almost cried. Sad face.) I finished the first game with a whopping 54 points. 19 of those points were earned during the last round. I'm just that good. The second game was uneventful for me. I scored an 87. Scott Anderson, on the other hand, got a 54. I would like to take this time to announce that I did not score the lowest in a single game out of everybody. I was tied with Scott Anderson. I pretty much traded scores with him. He got a 90something in the first game.

Then, in the 3rd game, I had about 68 points heading into the 2nd to last round. Then, one of the greatest moments of my life happened. I bowled 3 strikes in a row. And I ended with 118 points. What now. I know you all wish you could bowl turkeys. I'm just that cool.

I got a 100 in my 4th game. There were also 2 strikes in a row in this game.

"We were both young when I first saw you"

(Nick Bodnar) - 01:50
My roommate is the "captain" of his tent, "the randos". we were talking today about the ways to rule. through our Machiavellian and other governmental studies, we have learned that there are three ways to rule: your people can love you, fear you, or hate you. The latter does not work, but the others do. He said that i rule by love, and i said he goes with the fear route. We each agreed with the other's assessment. I allowed my people to all create their schedule as they wanted. I may have facilitated, but it was essentially a democracy. On the other hand he threw names down and told everyone when their shifts were, without even giving them editing privileges to the Google doc! I know this may be hard for our members and followers to understand, but some people just think this is the way to go. I'm starting to become a believer...

I just became aware of a mutiny that has been in the works for quite some time now. Perhaps they planned the overthrow the day of the game, leaving me out in the cold with no UNC game to go to. Or perhaps even earlier. i'll never know, but it won't be a problem any more.

the mutiny started when Claire (one of the primary leaders of the upset) received a package. It was filled with Cadbury Creme Eggs, my absolute favorite candy. Some might claim they didn't know it was my favorite, but honestly, who doesn't know their Captain's choicest treats... Oh the insolence.

The aforementioned Creme Eggs were not only hand delivered to me, but they were stored in the most unholy of locales - The Bastion. The Keep. Whatever it's called, it isn't The Fortress. I have only graced that ungodly tent with my presence once, and that may or may not have been an accident. I don't want to talk about it. Did they expect me to go looking for the eggs in there?! for all i knew, MaggieTheAbominableSquirrel could have been hoarding them in her cheeks the whole time.

To top it all off, as if it could get any worse than hidden Cadbury Creme Eggs, there are rumors of a Coup d'etat to take place between this season and next. That's right, they say i won't be captain next year! Now it's one thing to honorably step down to the first mate, when The Captain deems reasonable, but to be so ungratefully and unceremoniously overthrown is entirely different.

Back to my thoughts on the way to rule. It seems love is not enough, or that the love of my mates is too fickle. I may have to steer this ship in a different direction for these last few days.

Taking a note from my dear friend's homeland and by the powers vested in me as Captain, my Captain, i now instate and personally fill the role of High and Immovable Chancellor, Chief Usurper Premier (HICCUP). This role is clearly below Coach K, the Archangels (Jon, Kyle, and Nolan), the Angels, and Zach White, in that order, but no lower. It cannot be challenged or even questioned. It's existence and power is backed by the US Air Force, Russian Army, and the entire UN. What's more, the Russian hockey and soccer teams have agreed to always fight on our opponents' sides, so that we are further guaranteed a victory.

The days of fear have begun...

(Tim Lin) - 02:15
Nick's thoughts are reasonable. That doesn't mean you start ruling with an iron fist, though. It just means you find something to blame and vent your emotions somewhere. One way that I like to do this is eavesdropping on other people's conversations. Then, when they exchange cell phone numbers/email addresses, you steal the number. As time goes by, you'll have a list of random cell phone numbers/email addresses of people you don't know.

Then, when you get mad, you go online and make accounts for random websites with their email address. Or you can click the "Forgot Password?" button and give them a whole bunch of password reset emails from Blackboard, Facebook, Twitter, etc. That's always fun.

You can then always prank call the number. Ordering pizza is always fun.

One other option is to go to a huge department store like Wal-mart and try to find a combination of items that will make the cashier person scared. My favorite combination is pregnancy tests and wire coat hangers.

Just an idea. You didn't hear it from me.

"If you could see that I'm the one who understands you"

(Robert Francis) - 08:17
Speaking of the randos...WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE and what are you doing in my tent?!!?!! I came upon the Batsion the other day and there were STRANGE SHOES out side it! They were green basketball-type shows and I sensed stranger danger. I didn't want any blood on my hands that day but these "randos" are luck to be alive and permitted to use the Fortress. Next time I may not feel so forgiving.

(Claire McIlvenny and Maggie Howell) - 10:06


Anyway, Nick, here I submit to you a proposition. Whilst you may claim that there is an insurgency within the Fortress, attempting to overthrow your Captain Our Captain position, I would instead suggest a different version of events; namely, that it is YOU who has allowed the Fortress to be USURPED.
"D'Onofrio" and his troupe of "randos" have been enjoying Fortress privileges for too long. Do they even have a tent?!
Do they enjoy the privileges of white tenting, whilst leaching off the FORTRESS'S BACK!

HOW CAN YOU HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN!? Considering your position as the tent HICCUP, I would not have expected this behaviour (ENGLISH SPELLING) from you. I'm appalled. I'm nauseated. It just makes my blood run cold.

Regarding the creme eggs, wouldn't a REAL captain/HICCUP leader enter into the Bastion, to rally support and gather his troops?
Wouldn't a REAL captain/HICCUP leader take notice of the mass text that I definitely sent you telling you to check the blog, where I posted my mother's parcel pictures informing you of the creme eggs, which were CLEARLY visible in the photographic evidence that I provided.
Wouldn't a REAL captain/HICCUP leader have seen me after one of the men's basketball games, holding the box of creme eggs and caramel bunnies and handing them out to members of the fortress. That was the day when ESPN was filming after the game to interview fans; maybe that's where you were. But remember, Nick, pride comes before a fall (the fall, being a lack of creme eggs).

(Maggie Howell)
And now to take off my gloves and address the egregious and highly insulting comments concerning a major ally of the Fortress, Maggie. First rule of battle, you should never ever insult your allies, especially if they stuff their bag FULL of apples for you. Nick, you ingrate, I must have hauled between 15-20 apples all the way to the ends of the earth (aka K-Ville) for you. Well, I hope you enjoy those precious apples because they will be the LAST apples I ever give you. Unless at some point in the future I give you poisoned apples. It could happen, I know some people. Well that is all I have concerning the matter for now. Just be warned, Mr. Bodnar, that I hold a mean grudge and do not take insults to my name lightly.

(Back to Claire)
On a slightly nicer note. As you may or may not know, I am returning to the MOTHERLAND a.k.a. a small town in Buckinghamshire in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and it is there where I will POTENTIALLY buy you some replacement eggs if, and only if, reparations are made to Maggie. Her commitment to the fortress has been integral to our success as a unit. I will also be taking other requests for English goodies if anyone wants to text me. Oh, wait, you won't see this. Too bad, Michael Gay. No one tell him.)

Now, can we PLEASE get back to the more important task of the Fortress. Namely, killing Robert Ryan and the entire pledge class of Sig**.

Thank you.
Claire McIlvenny and Maggie Howell.

(Claire McIlvenny and Maggie Howell) - 10:39
By the way, we appreciate the extremely subtle reference to the Canadian television show:Hiccups.

Way to choose the Canadians, Nick. How very seditious of you.

(Nick Bodnar) - 11:01
Claire, i appreciate the feedback, and any true leader can learn from his mistakes. Not that i have made any. i have perhaps only been slow in my actions.

My first motion as HICCUP has been to banish the randos. i alerted them about 15 minutes ago. it was only after taking this new position that i had the authority and the arrogance to make such a move. i agree, they have been given access to a structure like none other in Kville, and they were ungrateful. They will be punished for their hubris.

As for the Maggie issue, i acknowledge and respect her contributions to The Fortress and they have not gone unnoticed. I merely meant abominable in the same way one would mean saying the abominable tooth fairy, or the abominable teddy bear. like cute and harmless and perhaps fuzzy. you know... that meaning of abominable.

as for the Sig** incident, i instate my next move as HICCUP. Tonight we will exact revenge on Robert Ryan at least. The pledge class will be harder to isolate, but Fortress, mark my words not as HICCUP, Captain, or even leader, but as friend. We will make him pay.

perhaps that's enough ruling for now.

(Lewis Purcell) -14:02
Oh Captain, Our Captain - though I respect your ability to suddenly assume dictatorial powers; A. As someone speaking with a country with lots of experience in this matter I speak as an expert- you did it all wrong and alienated all of your supporters - namely Russia with the attack on our olympic teams.
B. You never addressed the main problem - your lack of bloggage - which most members of the KGB and the Fortress find vital to being a leader and staying on top of things.

I WILL HOWEVER ALLOW a truce if previous conditions resume (though you may keep HICCUP title) if WE UNANIMOUSLY DECLARE WAR ON Sig** and crush them!

Btw- Claire was handing them out after our victorious rout of UNC - but you didn't show!

(Claire McIlvenny) - 14.05
As a quick side note, my mum posted her infamous Fortress song that composed as a comment on one of these posts. As I know that people don't usually read the comments, reference Michael Gay: "You can COMMENT on the blog?!", I have decided to post it below. The tune is to John Brown's body, also known as the Battle Hymn of the Republic:

Claire's Mum said...

Dear Fortress Dwellers,

Well the end is nigh; not long to go now until the final push.The Great Basketball Game.....Go,you Fortress Dwellers !!

Actually,I meant Go,you Duke Blue Devils.

And here is my tribute song with which to taunt the UNC supporters:

We went to Cameron Stadium
And everyone was there
To see all those Tar Heels
With their flowers in their hair
We don't know why they bothered
'Cos we know we're going to win
And when they're going home
They'll wish that they had never been.

Glory,glory,Duke Blue Devils
Glory,glory,Duke Blue Devils
Glory,glory,Duke Blue Devils
The Blue Devils go marching on.

Incidentally,Nick,and all you other hardy individuals,there are plenty more Cadbury's creme eggs where they came from !

Enjoy the game

I particularly like her reference to Nick.

Hardy seems very apt.

(Nick Bodnar) - 14:59

Didn't show?!?! Lewis, who was there screaming and jumping around the whole time? Who took the tent out for loop shakes afterward (albeit, i offered only half shakes, but they're expensive)? Me and Me.

However, i'm over the eggs. I can accept that perhaps i simply overlooked them in my ecstasy after the game. Now that i think about it, i do remember the box from Claire's mum! I even remember a note, i think (but maybe i saw that later and it was from someone else). I truly didn't remember until right now. but it is also true that after that victory i was in no mood to sit and eat chocolate.

As far as my blogging, i admit that i was not up to par for a while, but i had a stressful ski trip to plan. But i think i got better even before i heard rumors of my impending upset.

So let's all just try to calm down. perhaps emotions got heated earlier, but i cannot allow a sense of weakness or a lack of faith to grip The Fortress in [his] last days (of this year). Therefore i had to stand up and crush the uprising before The Fortress lost all sense of control. Let's set our priorities in order:

Crush UNC
Defeat Robert Ryan and Sig**
Survive P-Checks
Decide what to wear/paint for the game
Banish the Randos (DONE)

(Tim Lin) - 15:29
I had to edit Nick's post. As the Administrative Brigadier General (since there are no agricultural studies, i shortened my title to make it more concise), I assume full authority over the maintenance of this blog. And I couldn't let the Fortress be a woman. So I changed the pronoun.

Yeah. In completely unrelated news, I found this video today. I found it endlessly amusing.

"We're nothing short of invincible"

(Tim Lin) - 16:21
I have heard that there are some people (Laura Ezell) who question my authority as Administrative Brigadier General. These people (Laura Ezell) are spouting nonsensical abominations about the day counter at the top of the blog. These people (Laura Ezell) claim silly claims like, "Oh your timer is TOTALLY about 20 hours off and you TOTALLY need to stop slacking off because you TOTALLY appointed yourself the Administrative Brigadier General and you TOTALLY claimed responsibility for the maintenance of the blog and you're TOTALLY not maintaining the blog correctly because the timer is TOTALLY off and therefore you are so TOTALLY not meeting the requirements of your aforementioned claim and you TOTALLY shouldn't make such claims if you're TOTALLY not going to fulfill what you TOTALLY claim because then you would be TOTALLY deceiving the masses and people would TOTALLY follow you only to be TOTALLY disappointed when they TOTALLY find out that the UNC game TOTALLY doesn't actually begin when the timer TOTALLY hits zero!! TOTALLY!!" And to that, I object.

The stupid thing only lets me pick a day to count down to. Then, it proceeds to count down to midnight of that day. Therefore, it will count down till 00:00 on March 6. Since the counter says, "days until Duke vs. UNC Game Day," I conclude that there is nothing wrong with it. The timer is not off. It is counting down to what it says it will count down to.

I would also like to add that even if my timer was hypothetically supposed to hypothetically count down to the beginning of the actual game, it is hypothetically still not 20 hours off. The game starts at 21:00. Therefore, it would hypothetically be 21 hours off. I conclude now that these people (Laura Ezell), though they (Laura Ezell) try to cross-examine me and try to find a contradiction in the way I maintain the blog, raise a claim that is supported by none other than their malicious intent to challenge my position and somehow overthrow me.

Well here's what I have to say to that:

megaultraubereXtreme WHAMMY to the 47th power!!

Oh snap. I hope you have some ointment because you just got BURNED!! Burned like the loser of this game!!

To those people who challenged me (Laura Ezell), click this link. It'll make you feel a bit better.

Just kidding. You just got owned. Again.

"We're no strangers to love"

(Esther Showalter) - 23:21
Mutiny? Insubordination? Tyranny? Chocolate? Lack of administrational aptitude? Far too many interesting things have been happening in K-ville recently and as resident non-partisan I demand a thorough explanation of the passage of all events since Friday February 26 without obligation of committing my person in any way to render assistance of any form to any human, group, organization, community, club, meeting, society, gathering, 国家,政府, 社会,公司, 企业,工厂, 家庭,旅行团,队 or 两个正好碰见的人。

Unless, of course, The Fortress is going to war. In which case, DEATH TO THE OFFENDER. DEATH BY FROZEN K-VILLE T-SHIRTS.

If not, then back to the main business at hand: where can I find lollipops that turn your mouth blue?

Also, I think I am finally starting to convert in truth and not just in deed: I started to feel a little sick in my stomach in the last two minutes before the buzzer sounded against Maryland today. From where come these emotional whirlwinds of dismay, misery, dreadful anxiety, mistrustful hope, tenuous faith, and ever-surfacing conviction that Duke Basketball must prevail against all enemies if not from my heart beginning to pump Duke-Blue blood cells through my veins? I think - at last - I just might be a believer.



(a series of out-of-context quotes that should by no means be taken at face value)

"I would rather be a squirrel than be a lady" - Elyn "theDefinitesquirrel" Stenzel

"The Chamber of Secrets has been opened, enemies of the Fortress beware"~Robert

"(Gasp!) We need a dead cat!"~Claire


"I want him to know we're coming. I want him to FEAR me!"~Claire

"It's over. And by it, I mean your life." ~Robert

"I've thought about commenting on the blog." ~Laura's Dad
"Why don't you?" ~Laura
"Well, the sense of humor of the average fortress member seems to be a variable commodity." ~Laura's Dad


  1. Brandon's momMarch 3, 2010 at 2:48 PM

    Love the Fortress song!!! Kudos Claire's mom.

  2. Ohh no! Relentless banter between (not among) Fortress members. Vicious words abound and tempers flare. Though nearby buds on green shoots are ready to burst forth with spring, a cold, iron grip has overtaken the Fortress and cast a shadow of darkness on its members. Restlessness and mutinous undertones toward HICCUP and Administrative Brigadier General alike. With only 3 days to go (or be it 21 hours?), can calm prevail and the 12 withstand the building pressures within?

  3. Of course they can withstand the building pressures within !!

    So near and yet so far.
    The clock will keep ticking.
    Time waits for no man.
    The game will take place.
    And soon.

    And a sense of extreme excitement now pervades the air.

    So, think Achievement, think Tenacity, think True Grit, think Extreme Determination and Loyal Camaraderie, think SUCCESS to the BLUE DEVILS!!

    And think what Amazing Fortress Dwellers you are.